..to excellence

Here's my time to reflect on the year I just had. For those of you who don't know, it's my 20th birthday and I had an enjoyable time as 19 year old. there are many things I've learned. there are many things I still haven't quite figured out. and there are things that just made me smile endlessly and continue to do so. With that being said, come along with me as I reflect on this past year. 

leaving school left a huge void in my life. it took away the routine of everything. took away my desire to really do things. I felt unmotivated and defeated. but, it taught me something. don't take the privleages for granted and took make smarter decisions. it also gave me the time to just sit down and think about where I truly want. to go with life. with some advice from a handful of peers, I was able to realize where I want to be. instead of accounting, I want to pursue a career in track and field. whether that's pro(I have big dreams, obviously), becoming a coach on a collegiate level, or working behind the scenes for a track and field program. my passion for the sport is too deep to give it up. I've changed majors (double, accounting/psychology) and moved schools (UMKC). with this new start, I'm beyond excited for what's in store and for what God has planned for me down the road. 

did I lose you all yet? no? well, good. let's continue. 

I miss New Orleans big time. especially around this time of the year. my birthday, then thanksgiving, Christmas. holidays and birthdays start to roll through and me not being there just seems wrong. this past year, they've undoubtedly been my biggest support system (not like they would ever drop from that spot). they were there when I left MU. there when I was struggling financially. there to listen to whatever I needed to get off of my chest. now, they're just as excited for me to go after what truly makes me happy. there's no one like them and these past 20s years would not be the same without them. I miss and love you all. see you guys soon. 

tad bit emotional there. hope you readers stuck around for it. let's go on. 

God. simply put, just indescribable. to the many blessings He has given me, to the rough roads he brought me to and we conquered together, He's my centerpiece in life. this past year, he's brought amazing people in my life, opened up my eyes to new aspects of life, to new opportunities, and brought me to share the gospel with those around me. twenty year from now, I hope to re-read this post, get to this moment, and am able to say I'm a better reflection of Jesus and brought many people to him. 

with the decisions I made this past year, I don't regret any of them. I made the choice to follow through with them all, and look where it has brought me. I'm happier than I've ever been. I've given up control on many things that were noticeably out of my control. I'm able to say I'm better than my former self and that is a great reflection. 

I feel as if I was a bit vague on this post, but honestly, those three were the biggest parts of this past year. there are many smaller things I wish I could tell you all. if you were to sit and  talk with me I'm sure I'd tell you more. but this past year, it was a wild. I survived it all and am ready to get started on my next chapter as a much wiser, more Godly, smarter, more humble young man. thanks for listening guys. 

Peace and Love.

everything's good.

'I'm better than I was the last time..' 

since we last spoke, I've seem to turn a new leaf. I was a bit over board with the sadness. but life brings challenges and we have to face them. I'm happy now. with everything. 

everything's good. 

This past Sunday, (September 22nd) I was baptized. it was a great day. full of excitement. indescribable the amazing things God does and how loving he is. He's the reason for the leaf turn. the positive ouook. I've learned that a lot of things are out of my control and just to accept life for what it is. 

everything's good. 

for most of you who don't know, most likely all, I've been out of school for a while. regrettably. yeah, it sucks. no place I'd rather be honestly. getting a bonafied education is what I miss. I miss the learning. I miss being drowned in school work, striving to get where I want to in life. soon, I'll get it back. come January I'll be at UMKC being better than I was the last time. being out has made me realize what I took for granted and what I need to do when I get back into the swing of things. the monotony of sitting at home and working will do that. some of y'all may think I'm crazy, but I want to learn anything and all of it. 

everything's good. 

track will come with time. being out for a year fueled the fire and I'm right where I left off, sort of. but I'm close. and it's exciting. I'll keep y'all posted on that. still chasing my big dreams.

 everything's good. 

also, I recently went to Denver with my homie, Michael. super stoked about that. first road trip in my car and on my own. Denver is absolutely stunning. Kid Cudi concert was there...no need to go into detail with that because the Cud never disappoints. Looking forward to a yearly trip to enjoy that beautiful scenery of Denver. 

everything's good. 

I'm literally as happy as I can be. everyday is a new day. everyday I'm supported and loved by the amazing people in my life. I thank God for it all. I still have my drive. my ambition. I want you all to feel the joy I am experiencing. I'm ready to continue on with life, as the man who has been born again, to achieve these great goals I've set out. so, let it be known...

everything's good. 

Peace and love

it's there.

things seem to run together during the summer. time elapses to the point of forgetfulness. days mush together and  morrow is scarcely reminded of the past. losing self with endless days. enjoying the company of others. spending time doing what you love. spending time with the one(s) you love.

routinely, I have had different experiences. reminded of the days. slowed time. growing up into the figure already shaped for me. routine replaces spontanuity. reminded from the past of what ive been through. The good, the bad, the ugly. sounds like a soap opera--soap operas suck--so you catch my drift. haunts me to get on social networks. *checks twitter* they draw me in and the routine sets in. hard to break through. my "mute" list tells me to stop, and is a broad stroke of what is going on.

Things are much deeper than social networks. i am scapegoated at peak performance since leaving columbia. just scapegoating. superfluous scapegoating. my pores are filled with mud and footprints all over my body. my sleeves, dirtied up. though the wrinkles are there, they are fighting and pumping on.
i expect most of you are gone by now. tired of my melodramatic, often self-indulgent, ways. feeling down makes me feel bad for feeling like this. horrible spin-cycle *checks twitter*...get me out of this machine. these are awful metaphors. im trying to be vague, yet transparent. i want you all to understand, really. hopefully connect, but that's a stretch. shall we move on...?...okay.

though i am a shell of myself, if you were to catch me around town, you'd see a huge smile. i dont like to be seen as a mopy, which is a coincidence. Lord knows i have greater things to smile about and appreciate. the fact that i am able to sit and be happy at the thought of being happy makes me smile. i love to smile, as many of you know. i am more happy than not. humbled at the love i receive, the chances ive been given, the guidance, and the want/will to teach/share with others makes me content. i love it. though times are rough, i continue to love hard. can't stop, wont stop. the Lord blessed me with these sleeves and i wear them proud. How can you not be happy when the Lord is so loving, great, caring, understanding, everlasting, reaching to YOU when you're down? man, take em to church, young blood. *drops mic*

Peace and Love.

ill show you a glimmer..

Let's start off positive with this...*turns on indicud*

Positive note: still surrounded by some great individuals. I honestly couldn't be any more happy with the people I have in my life. The support is unreal and honestly couldn't ask for any more. I have people i can tell anything to. My job is going great and i love being in the current field i am in. always been sort of a dream for me, so it's perfect. My faith continues to grow. My love for the Lord is strong, even at such an early stage. I am just truly grateful to be loved by the Lord. that's the all time positive right there. something i will always realize when things are rough. Hopefully I am running soon, i've been working back at it slowly and if my body allows, ill be back at my old running weight. I long to be back on the track. It cleared my head, brought me peace, and just all around let me be me...while beating a few people in the process. I cant wait to be back in a classroom. I love to learn. It sucked not being in one for a while...like truly horrible. I found myself searching the internet to stay up on things and to not go insane. All is well though and hopefully all goes as planned with my education.

Negatives: whatever. they happen. not much i can do about them. wont elaborate on them. 

Roller coasters are usually fun when reserved for amusement parks. In this thing called life, they are usually a headache waiting to happen or an extreme high. It happens and we're accustomed to it. We realize it is God's will and He puts us on the ride he knows we can handle. For some, it may be a kiddie coaster. Others, you may have the most terrifying of them all but God is there to take care of you and will never let anything happen. That's how I am looking at this current situation I am faced with. I take the loops and the downhills knowing ill be alright. I hope i haven't lost people on this post just yet, most of you need to hear more about Him as is and hopefully still accept me because of my faith as i do you in your life. I digress. Back to the topic, life is tough, but at the end of the day, you lived. You faced another day on this beautiful Earth and things are okay. 

Closing remarks: thank yous are in order for all who still read this nonsense i call a blog. it just helps me deal with a lot of things. i always seem to write late when my thoughts are ramped and i find myself typing and backspacing a lot. heck, this one post took me an hour to write...and hey..stay golden, girl. also, im aware of the heart i wear on my sleeve. i like it there. im a very passionate person and have been for as long as i can remember. kind of hard not to when your mother raises you. im proud of it. it helps me realize a lot of things and makes life better honestly. i live it up. dang...immortal is playing again..i think that's why i almost went off about that...*turns off indicud*

Peace and Love

New Orleans

this past week and a half I traveled down to my home town of New Orleans, Louisiana. it was a much needed break from everything. to just go down and have a time to relax. I went down for my mother's wedding. I felt I had the most important job in the wedding...well, because I did. walking the bride down the aisle and giving her away. as her eldest son it was such an honor to do the deed. I was more smiley happy than teary happy, which is what everyone expected of me.i did make a big flub though. I was supposed to stand behind the bride and groom until the pastor asked "who gives this woman away"( something like that) but he took at least five minutes for him to ask and by that time I was seated next to my grandparents trying to make sure they don't cry. whoops. hahah. :] but it was a big wedding party (53 people) and a great wedding. I love my mom to death and it's great to see her with a smile on her face.

obviously there is a reception after the wedding. and for most of you who haven't been to a wedding in New Orleans, let me tell ya, it gets pretty wild. you can check out most of the reception in video form on my vine, because dumb me forgot to take pictures there.

really, there's nothing else to tell. ahaha. I was surrounded by my family 24/7 and it felt great. they make me extremely happy no matter the situation. an unfortunate event happened a yesterday and they were right there to pick me up. provide emotional support and talk me away from the edge. I love them. they are the most caring, funny, outspoken group of people I know and I wouldn't trade them for anything.

it's always tough leaving them. it's been the same way since I made the decision to move to liberty back in 7th grade. I wake up. move around slowly. thinking about how Im just going to miss them. miss a part of me. The awful thing is, I barely see anyone the day of my departure, so it makes it a little tougher. I kiss my little sister bye (most of the time she doesn't know why I'm leaving) and that makes me extremely sad. but I love her so I forgive.

I wrote all of this on the plane yesterday. just now finishing it here back in Columbia. it's been a rough past couple of days. barely hanging on. anyway I'm not going to be sad on this post. here are some pictures from my mom's wedding. so enjoy and I'll post soon. :]

It's a 2a.m. ramble-blog.

It's pretty late. I'm still up. I have a lot on my plate right now. I'm a picky eater so I wish most of these items on my plate weren't there. But, I can't just scrape it off, I have to finish everything. I have to make sure it's all gone. It's a lot to take it and that's part of the reason why I'm still up and why I'm ramble-blogging. This is a kind of post I'd normal put on my old tumblr(deleted), simply due to its random, kind of not really public factor...? I guess. anyway. just came here to tell you guys that I'm still pushing. I'm down, but I can't stay down. I'm too motivated to just go out like this. I may be on the outside looking in at everyone learning, but as soon as I'm able to get back in, I'll work my ass off harder than ever. I guarantee. Chances aren't going to always come by so I'm just waiting until it comes back again and pray that I am blessed enough to come out on top.

Peace and Love

Fundraiser

Tis' the season for all that is joyous: Christmas is right around the corner! For most of us, this means getting together with family, enjoying each others company, opening presents, and ultimately recognizing and celebrating the day that our Lord and savior Jesus Christ was born. Unfortunately, there are many in our own city that are a bit less fortunate.

I spend most of my Sundays at the Chouteau Courts Housing Community, giving the children there a better hope for the future and letting them know that they are loved and valued. It breaks my heart knowing that just fifteen minutes away from my home, there are children who aren't prepared for the season. Not unprepared in the sense of excitement, family, traditions, but in regards to warm clothing - gloves, hats, and jackets.

With the help of a few other leaders at New Life Ministries in Kansas City (http://www.newlifekc.org), I am holding a fundraiser for the children of Chouteau Courts. I know we have a limited time, but I truly believe we can achieve our goal of providing winter clothing for these children in time for Christmas.

Here's one big way you can help: donate! Whether by a monetary donation - every $1 helps - or by giving gloves, hats, jackets...anything you can offer will help bring the spirit of Christmas to children in need! These precious children range from 4-12 years old, and they will be incredibly grateful to know they are cared for and will be warm this winter. All I ask of you is to give anything you can, whether a donation or a prayer.

Below shows how you can donate. Also listed is my contact information, in case you'd like more information on our children's ministry (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Fam-Jam-KC/248070255222327) or to set up a monetary, clothing, or other kind of donation.

Mobile Phone: 816-885-0254
Email: shaw_jason@live.com
PayPal: