it's there.

things seem to run together during the summer. time elapses to the point of forgetfulness. days mush together and  morrow is scarcely reminded of the past. losing self with endless days. enjoying the company of others. spending time doing what you love. spending time with the one(s) you love.

routinely, I have had different experiences. reminded of the days. slowed time. growing up into the figure already shaped for me. routine replaces spontanuity. reminded from the past of what ive been through. The good, the bad, the ugly. sounds like a soap opera--soap operas suck--so you catch my drift. haunts me to get on social networks. *checks twitter* they draw me in and the routine sets in. hard to break through. my "mute" list tells me to stop, and is a broad stroke of what is going on.

Things are much deeper than social networks. i am scapegoated at peak performance since leaving columbia. just scapegoating. superfluous scapegoating. my pores are filled with mud and footprints all over my body. my sleeves, dirtied up. though the wrinkles are there, they are fighting and pumping on.
i expect most of you are gone by now. tired of my melodramatic, often self-indulgent, ways. feeling down makes me feel bad for feeling like this. horrible spin-cycle *checks twitter*...get me out of this machine. these are awful metaphors. im trying to be vague, yet transparent. i want you all to understand, really. hopefully connect, but that's a stretch. shall we move on...?...okay.

though i am a shell of myself, if you were to catch me around town, you'd see a huge smile. i dont like to be seen as a mopy, which is a coincidence. Lord knows i have greater things to smile about and appreciate. the fact that i am able to sit and be happy at the thought of being happy makes me smile. i love to smile, as many of you know. i am more happy than not. humbled at the love i receive, the chances ive been given, the guidance, and the want/will to teach/share with others makes me content. i love it. though times are rough, i continue to love hard. can't stop, wont stop. the Lord blessed me with these sleeves and i wear them proud. How can you not be happy when the Lord is so loving, great, caring, understanding, everlasting, reaching to YOU when you're down? man, take em to church, young blood. *drops mic*

Peace and Love.

ill show you a glimmer..

Let's start off positive with this...*turns on indicud*

Positive note: still surrounded by some great individuals. I honestly couldn't be any more happy with the people I have in my life. The support is unreal and honestly couldn't ask for any more. I have people i can tell anything to. My job is going great and i love being in the current field i am in. always been sort of a dream for me, so it's perfect. My faith continues to grow. My love for the Lord is strong, even at such an early stage. I am just truly grateful to be loved by the Lord. that's the all time positive right there. something i will always realize when things are rough. Hopefully I am running soon, i've been working back at it slowly and if my body allows, ill be back at my old running weight. I long to be back on the track. It cleared my head, brought me peace, and just all around let me be me...while beating a few people in the process. I cant wait to be back in a classroom. I love to learn. It sucked not being in one for a while...like truly horrible. I found myself searching the internet to stay up on things and to not go insane. All is well though and hopefully all goes as planned with my education.

Negatives: whatever. they happen. not much i can do about them. wont elaborate on them. 

Roller coasters are usually fun when reserved for amusement parks. In this thing called life, they are usually a headache waiting to happen or an extreme high. It happens and we're accustomed to it. We realize it is God's will and He puts us on the ride he knows we can handle. For some, it may be a kiddie coaster. Others, you may have the most terrifying of them all but God is there to take care of you and will never let anything happen. That's how I am looking at this current situation I am faced with. I take the loops and the downhills knowing ill be alright. I hope i haven't lost people on this post just yet, most of you need to hear more about Him as is and hopefully still accept me because of my faith as i do you in your life. I digress. Back to the topic, life is tough, but at the end of the day, you lived. You faced another day on this beautiful Earth and things are okay. 

Closing remarks: thank yous are in order for all who still read this nonsense i call a blog. it just helps me deal with a lot of things. i always seem to write late when my thoughts are ramped and i find myself typing and backspacing a lot. heck, this one post took me an hour to write...and hey..stay golden, girl. also, im aware of the heart i wear on my sleeve. i like it there. im a very passionate person and have been for as long as i can remember. kind of hard not to when your mother raises you. im proud of it. it helps me realize a lot of things and makes life better honestly. i live it up. dang...immortal is playing again..i think that's why i almost went off about that...*turns off indicud*

Peace and Love